Friday, Aug. 29, 2014

Rock On: A real reason to riot at UVU (5 items)

By , Deseret News

March 3, 2014

PENDING MELTDOWN

Utah Valley University fans wasted no time making themselves heard in the WAC.

At the end of Thursday’s UVU-New Mexico State game, the Aggies’ K.C. Ross-Miller threw the ball at UVU’s Holton Hunsaker, just as fans rushed the court. That’s when things got wild, as fans and players milled around and even threw a few punches.

There was plenty of national publicity because, for a half-minute, things were trending toward a riot.

OK, maybe that’s an overstatement. A riot in Utah County?

Not unless they close the BYU Creamery on Friday nights.

1 of 5. KING AND I

Last week, LeBron James wore a menacing carbon fiber “superhero” mask to protect his broken nose. But the league made him switch to a clear version.

Asked how many backup protectors he has, James told the Miami Herald, “About 25, if you include my kids’ masks the last nine years from Halloween.”

How many kids can get away with trick-or-treating dressed just like their dad?

2 of 5. CUDDLE TIME

Need a job? Here’s a growing field, and you don’t even have to go to college to learn the trade.

It’s called “professional cuddling,” whereby pajama-clad workers provide comfort and acceptance to the stressed out. (No intimate contact is allowed).

So where were these people when Jerry Sloan and Deron Williams were breaking up?

3 of 5. HAPPY TRAILS

A report last month in Virginia said a SUV registered to ex-NBAer Ben Wallace crashed into a fence, taking out a 20-foot section.

A witness said he saw a man leave the car and smash wood pieces against the fence in frustration.

Whoever it was, it sounds like another satisfied graduate of the Bobby Petrino/Tiger Woods School of Defensive Driving.

4 of 5. ON THE MENU

A “pro wrestling dinner theater” has opened in Florida.

This invites a plethora of wrestling-related menu possibilities: the double-leg flapjack, the scoop slam and the lobster claw hold.

Just one Rock On suggestion: never order the gorilla hold gut-buster.

5 of 5. JIMMERFEST

Much to the relief of Jimmer Fredette and his many fans, the Kings bought out his contract last week. He was subsequently signed by the Chicago Bulls.

First game stats: 1-2 from the field, three minutes of playing time.

Sources say the Chicago newspapers have no idea if he’ll help the team, long term. They’re just happy to have a name the headline writers love as much as Noah.
1. Florwood
American Fork, UT,
March 3, 2014

I love Rock On, but splitting it into little pieces like this may be enough to make me swear off reading it in the future.